Impact Stories
A Little Perspective
Submitted by a PATH foster child
My name is John; I am 16 years old and currently live in a PATH foster care home in Bismarck, ND. I am a sophomore in high school. I have been in foster care since I was 13. I was also in Charles Hall Youth Services for five months.
I want to give you some background information on the losses I have experienced in my life. My father died a day before I was born, so I obviously didn’t know him. My mother died when I was 13 years of age. I was very close to my mother and I miss her to this day.
Never knowing my father was rough. I didn’t have any one to go fishing with or teach me how to ride my bike. When I would see other kids doing things with their dads, I would feel sad. It doesn’t seem to bother me in that way any longer like it did when I was younger. I think realizing that this happened as a part of life, rather than anyone’s fault, made me feel better. I actually started to feel good about other kids that have a dad because they don’t have to feel the loss. However, I don’t know if other kids really appreciate the fact that they have a dad. I really don’t know what I would be like today if my father had lived.
I was very close to my mom. It was a lot harder losing my mom than not having a dad. I did everything with her. She could be inpatient, but she was always there for me when I needed her. In looking back, losing my mom at that time affected in these ways. It was hard for me to be social because I was mad about losing her and I kept the anger to myself. Keeping the anger to myself made me feel depressed. My anger also got displaced on other people. For example, if someone was joking around and said the wrong thing, I could really get mad. Plus “your momma jokes” would really set me off. Those jokes still get to me, but I control my anger now. At 13, I didn’t know how those feelings of loss were impacting me. A good thing that happened in response to losing my mom was that I had more respect for women.
My mom’s death really affected my whole family. I distanced myself from one of my sisters because she couldn’t deal with mom’s death and reacted to it in some pretty immature ways. However, one of my other sisters and I became closer because we deal with things in the same way.
It is important for me to offer younger kids in foster care some advice on dealing with loss. All of us that are, or have been in foster care, have experienced many losses. Don’t let yourself think about the losses all of the time or you’ll always be depressed or angry. Try and make the best out of your situation by not isolating yourself and count on the people that care about you.
My hope for all of you younger kids in foster care is to live your life to best you can, don’t worry about what other kids have or might say and move on every day.
Positive Outcomes for Youth Participating in Chafee Independent Living Program
By Kathryn Kempf, Independent Living Coordinator
North Dakota's Chafee Independent Living Program (ILP) assists youth age 16-21 that have been placed in the custody of the county or state and/or youth that age out of care. When a foster youth ages out of care (turns 18 while in care) they face numerous life challenges, oftentimes without permanent supportive relationships. IL Coordinators participate in the wraparound process and guide the youth towards achieving their individualized goals for their future.
Melissa was 16 years old when she was placed in foster care due to family disputes within the home. During her two years in foster care, she lived in four different foster homes. Melissa admits to the various hurdles that she had to overcome when it came time for her to move out on her own.
Melissa needed to secure safe and affordable housing after she graduated from high school. Initially, she chose to participate in a local transitional housing program for young adults. However, within months she was left without a home when the program's funding was temporarily brought to a standstill. During her time of need ILP referred and connected her with another transitional housing program for only young women. In this faith-based setting, Melissa was able to grow not only in her self-esteem, but also with life skills and permanent positive relationships. After a year, Melissa was prepared and encouraged to live in her own apartment. Melissa found a part time job and started saving money while searching for an apartment. When she found her new home, ILP provided some funding for the initial safety deposit and a portion of first month's rent to help her get started. Melissa also received various essentials to start her in her new apartment.
Melissa is an active participant in her independent living plan. She meets with the IL Coordinator to discuss goals in her life such as: money management, work life, career planning, social relationships, self care, and daily living. It has not been an easy journey and she has overcome numerous challenges. Today, she is maintaining two part time jobs to pay rent for her apartment. She continues to establish healthy boundaries with her family. She has stayed connected with a foster parent who helps her stay connected in a local church. Melissa consistently attends monthly Region 5 for Foster Youth (5FFY) and quarterly ND Youth State Youth Advisory Group meetings. Her leadership skills continue to improve. She was elected by her peers to be Region 5FFY President, in which, she facilitates each monthly youth meeting. She was also elected to be State Secretary for the ND Youth Advisory Group. Melissa is proud to be a part of these groups that are active in advising the community and raising awareness about the needs for foster youth. Melissa will no doubt continue to take steps towards success. She has effectively utilized the Chafee Independent Living Program to assist her on her journey to achieving lifelong success. Her progress within the program signifies the importance of assisting all foster youth in their transition to adulthood.
